


And when I get that feeling

by babesrgrs



Series: Don't look back [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, M/M, POV Multiple, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 00:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babesrgrs/pseuds/babesrgrs
Summary: It's not the easiest thing to rebuild their friendship when having a simple conversation is so, so hard.





	And when I get that feeling

"Captain."

Steve gave a careful smile. "Tony."

Tony lifted the faceplate. "Are we still on first name basis? 'Cause I didn't get that memo."

Steve seemed to think it over. "I don't think you've ever been on first name basis with anyone. Nickname basis, now, that's a different thing."

"Ah, but wouldn't that mean that it's reciprocal? Your imagination has so far come up with nothing. So, we clearly aren't on nickname basis or --"

"That's untrue," Steve interrupted him.

Tony let the suit open and collapse. He walked towards the bar. "What's untrue?"

"That I don't have a nickname for you."

Tony reached for the whiskey. "Do I want to know?"

Steve shrugged. "I don't know."

"I suppose it can't be anything too flattering if you haven't said it out loud. Or maybe that's exactly it, it's too flattering, you have been embarrassed by what your mind thinks of me really and that's why the silence. Let me guess, "Brown eyes", no, --"

"Shellhead."

"-- excuse me?"

"Your helmet, it's like a shell?"

"I get that. I'm not stupid."

"I'm well aware, thank you."

Tony poured himself a hefty portion. "No need to get snarky. Did you want some?"

Steve walked closer to the bar. "Yes."

Tony stopped himself from putting the bottle away. "That's surprising. Don't tell me you have been  
turned to drink during your stint as a fugitive."

"Hardly. I don't feel comfortable empty handed. Thank you, by the way."

Tony poured another glass, filling it to the brim. "For what?"

Steve, who didn't really enjoy the taste of any 40-proof alcohol, no matter how expensive, took the offered glass with a dry look. "The shield. You know."

"It didn't really work for me. Felt ridiculous to try to knock people out with a patriotic Frisbee. You know."

Steve chuckled. "I do know."

"As long as you are aware that you look ridiculous. Which brings me to the elephant in the room. What's with the skintight black number?"

Steve grimaced. "You haven't heard? This is what you wear outside the law."

"I haven't exactly always performed inside the law, but I have been able to keep my modesty intact."

Steve waited a beat, then asked: "Do you mean you get immodest thoughts when you look at me?"

Tony gave him a half amused, half disbelieving look. "Did you just ask that?"

”Apparently.”

”This is not how I imagined this would go.”

”Sorry to disappoint.”

”That's not the word I'd use,” Tony said and downed his drink in one go. He was back on track. ”Is it impenetrable?”

Steve gave him a long, unimpressed look. ”Not entirely.”

”Hardens under impact?”

”Immediately.”

”And the fit?”

”We went over that already.”

”As tight as it looks, then?” Tony asked, voice almost forcibly neutral.

Steve had a hard time not to laugh. ”This is horrible.”

”Are you deflecting or answering?”

”Straight out ignoring. In fact, I think I'm ready to leave.”

”I didn't really catch why you were here in the first place?”

Steve straightened himself. He forced himself to look Tony in the eye. ”I didn't want us to meet for the first time after what went down in the middle of the battle. I wanted to make sure we are okay enough.”

Tony turned to put the glass away. ”Afraid I will – ”

”No. No, whatever it is you are suggesting. I just don't want to make old mistakes. This is me trying to think about you more.”

Tony utilized his left hand, free, in a delicate facepalm. ”I don't know how to take that. Embarrassing, condescending or dirty.”

”Don't you take everything dirty?”

Tony glared at him between his fingers. ”This must be a dream.”

Steve had many flaws, but he did have a great deadpan. ”I've had this one, too. Does yours end in a cold shower?”

”Steve Rogers!” Tony said, pretending, at least he thought so, to be affronted. ”I'll have you know I'm engaged.”

Steve swallowed down a sudden feeling of shock and said what he'd already decided on. ”Is that a yes?”

Tony tried to smother down his amusement. He landed on a half-sly smile. ”It wasn't a no.”

Steve fell silent, lost for words. Tony's engagement announcement had thrown him off. The silence dredged on. 

”Are we finished?” Tony asked. It was an honest demand and a line for Steve to seize if he wanted.

He did want, but _It takes longer than this for me to finish_ got stuck in his throat. It was like all of a sudden they weren't the same people they had been mere seconds before. He shrugged. ”I suppose.”

”Then I suppose you are leaving.”

”Yes,” Steve said, nodded. He turned around and got all the way to the door before he felt a small window of chance in the gloom that had descended on him.

Without looking back, he cleared his throat. ”It's even tighter than it looks like.”

 

”I would like to inform you that you have become much too taken with your shield. So much so that you seem to emulate it.”

Tony moved his glare from the supersoldier lying on the hospital bed to the shield in question and back again.

”I have a suit of armor. You definitely don't have to take my bullets for me. Or alien lasers, as it is.”

”You see, for all the ingenuity of the Wakandans, they haven't had the same toils we have. They can bullet proof your suit, but they don't alien proof it.” A silence. ”And while the black thing is very flattering, I think I like the blue on you more. It left _something_ to the imagination, at least. It didn't make looking at you so hard.”

A sound of a barely there gasp broke Tony out of his abstracted monologue. Turning his head he saw Bucky Barnes standing in the doorway, a distinct deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on his face.

”You,” Tony greeted. He didn't feel murderous, but he sure didn't feel very generous, either.

Barnes stared at him, tense, poised for 'getting the hell out of here'. ”Is he okay?”

”Yes,” Tony said. When Barnes didn't relax an iota, he sighed. ”Okay enough. He should wake up soon.”

Tony expected Barnes to turn and leave at that, come back later, but he took halting steps in, stationing himself on the other side of the bed.

They shared a very uncomfortable silence, until:

”I thought you were engaged.”

Tony blinked. ”I am. Do you have other out-of-the-blue statements you'd like to make?”

Barnes glanced at him. Stared at Steve. ”How you talked to him, just now.”

Tony felt a stab of embarrassment somewhere deep inside. Not because of what he'd said, exactly, but to have been caught in a private moment.

”I can be in a devout relationship and admire superhuman physique at the same time.”

Barnes clearly didn't believe him. ”Sure, pal.”

Tony was about to remark that he wasn't Barnes's _pal_ but held his tongue. When he'd done some serious soul searching after the whole Russian fiasco, he had realized that it wasn't really Barnes he was mad at. It wasn't Barnes that killed his parents, he knew that. 

It wasn't just Barnes he had been mad at. It hadn't been HYDRA either.

So, Tony had had to face the fact that he could get so angry at Steve that he could have killed the guy that obviously meant the world to him. It had all been of course really muddled in the heat of the moment, and Tony wasn't sure if he would have really gone for the killing shot, but the bottom line was that for a short while at least, he had honest-to-God wanted to hurt Steve that much.

He hadn't felt too good about himself after that, about the choices he'd made and the reasons behind them.

He had been lucky Pepper came back. She balanced him, got him out of his head. She made him remember that not everything was on him. The whole world wasn't his responsibility: he shouldn't act like it was.

”Don't tell me you haven't even once wanted to peel him out of his garbs and polish his gun, or whatever you called it in the army,” Tony snarked. He wasn't angry at Barnes, but he was annoyed his hospital bed -confession had been disrupted.

Barnes stared at him with an unfathomable look. Then he snorted. ”How do you say it in the 21st century? Oh yes. Been there, done that.”

Had Tony been holding anything in his hands, he would have probably dropped it. He had hoped the born-in-the 1910s ex-US-army sergeant would have shown at least a little discomfort about homosexuality, but he wasn't at all fazed. Tony was mostly sure Barnes was fucking with him, though. He didn't think the man would have been so blithe about it had they really been lovers with Rogers at some point. Tony had tried to get under Barnes's skin, so Barnes had countered the same way.

”Oh yeah? How was it?”

Barnes sort of glared and smiled at the same time. ”Real nice.”

”That's it? Real nice?”

”I don't remember.”

”Well, I suppose 'real nice' is quite generous then, if you can't even remember – ”

”Oh shut up,” Barnes said, but didn't seem mad, so Tony figured he hadn't crossed any lines just yet.

He shrugged. ”Why? It's not my fault you had less-than-average sex with Spangles – ”

”I can't remember because Steve gave it to me so damn good I passed out,” Barnes interrupted him, eyes flashing with a challenge. ”You could even say that he fucked my brains out.”

Tony was saved from coming up with an answer to that by Sam Wilson making himself known in the doorway.

It was safe to say he wasn't looking too impressed. It was poetic justice, really, Tony thought, actually amused, that it was now Barnes whose surprisingly smutty speech got interrupted.

”I don't want to know,” Sam said. He was short of patience because of some family drama, Tony remembered. He crossed his arms. ”Has he woken up, yet?”

Barnes looked surly. ”No.”

”Then don't harass him with your weird, erotic stories, for God's sake!”

”Stark started it,” Barnes mumbled.

Tony rolled his eyes at the juvenility, which in turn gave Barnes new spark to defend himself: ”He was telling Steve's unconscious body how hard he gets when he looks at him!”

That was _not_ what Tony had said, but before he could deny it, Steve opened his eyes. Groggily, he asked: ”Excuse me?”

”See what you did,” Sam said accusingly. ”And anyway,” he spoke to Tony, ”aren't you engaged?”

 

When Steve woke up he was alone, but he was certain somebody had been in his room before. He thought he remembered Bucky and – Tony bickering? He hoped not. After he felt around a bit and was relatively sure he had all his limbs in working order he sat up. 

He didn't think Tony would try to hurt Bucky, but the thought of two of them alone did not sit well with him. He had to get out of the room.

Standing up he noticed he didn't have his too-tight get up anymore, but a simple hospital gown that was too airy to have been closed from the backside. He wasn't the only one who made the observation.

”Oh my God!”

Steve turned around. He was glad to see he didn't even wobble too much. ”I need clothes.”

”I – I don't know if that's a good idea. I might have sneaked a look at your chart and you should not leave the med bay until tomorrow, so I don't think I can help you with those. Mr Stark might not let me come here anymore if I helped you take off. Though to be honest, he didn't exactly let me come here in the first place, but I couldn't help but wonder who they were keeping here.”

Steve knew this kid. ”You were from Queens?”

”You remember me? But I'm not wearing my suit!” The kid's voice got higher to the end of his sentence.

”You talk much.”

”Oh. Should I – I don't know, tone it down? Maybe change my voice,” the kid babbled on, the next words in a considerably deeper voice, ”stop right there, criminal!”

Steve only raised a sardonic eyebrow.

”Not you!” The kid raised his arms defensively. ”I mean, they cleared you off, although maybe it's like once a cheater always a cheater kind of thing, once a criminal, always a – ”

”Who's a cheater?” 

”Not you, Mr Stark!”

Tony took in the scene with his lips pursed. ”I don't remember giving you permission to this part of the compound,” he said to the kid before addressing Steve: ”And you should be lying down.”

”I should be wearing pants,” Steve said quietly, but Tony seemed to hear him even through the kid's long-worded apology since he gave Steve a knowing look.

Steve swallowed. Tony noticed that, too.

Steve had maybe twice in his life flexed his muscles intentionally, and both of those times it was to intimidate. For reasons he didn't want to examine too closely, he turned a bit and reached down to where the bedside table was, to pick up a glass of water left there.

It wasn't anything close to scandalous, or even noteworthy in a different company, but he didn't have to look at Tony to know his gaze was glued to the barely an inch of skin from his side he exposed in the backless gown.

This was dangerous. Tony was engaged. He didn't think he would have ever tried to catch the eye of anyone else in a relationship, but after the Accords their friendship had been in shambles and this was the first truly positive type of encounter they had had. It was hard to resist.

”Go and fetch pants for the Captain,” Tony ordered the teenager.

”Good idea,” he said and fled the room.

”I see you have once again found an immodest attire for yourself,” Tony said when they were alone.

Steve drank the water. ”I didn't choose this.”

”No,” Tony drawled. ”A visionary did.”

”Isn't that what you call yourself? A visionary?”

”Rest assured my vision for you doesn't end in an ill fitting robe with a nice view. No matter how nice the view.”

This was bad, Steve thought. This was more than just some horrible, innuendo laden verbal sparring. This was past flirting, even. He needed to stop it.

”Did you get your fill of the view?”

Now Steve witnessed Tony swallow, take a step forward. ”I can't say I did,” he confessed, his voice low.

Steve made an encore of putting the glass back down, this time turning his back more where the door was. And Tony.

It wasn't only because it was Tony, Steve knew when he felt a thrill go through him, when something hot and exciting unlocked inside him. This human side of him that had wants other than fighting injustice and punching stuff was so often kept under wraps. To let it surface was not only heady, it was addicting.

He started to wonder that if flashing a strip of bare skin felt like this, what would a touch feel like.

”Here, I found these oh – ah just, just around the corner?” The kid's high pitched announcement sliced through the electric atmosphere in the room and Steve straightened up in a hurry.

”Thank you,” Steve said and forced himself not to seem flustered. He didn't dare look at Tony's no doubt extremely amused face when he caught the pair of pants the kid – he really needed to ask his name one of these days – threw at him.

”There didn't happen to be any shirts?”

 

”What's with you and Stark?”

Steve had finally gotten out of the med bay and to an apartment that was kept for him in the newly refurbished compound. Steve was sure someone had pointed Bucky to a guest room, but he had decided to stay at Steve's rooms.

Steve didn't usually mind.

”Nothing,” Steve answered kind of truthfully except not at all.

Bucky nudged Steve with his toe from where he sat at the other end of the sofa. ”I don't understand why you even try that with me. Say you don't want to talk about it, and I'll leave you alone after a while, but don't lie when it's so obvious.”

Steve stared through the nature document they were half-heartedly watching. ”I don't know.”

”Okay. Are you having an affair?”

Steve turned to look at Bucky at last. ”No! Why would you think that?”

Bucky gave him an unimpressed look. ”Firstly because of how Stark acts around you, but that could be just his crush on you. I didn't think it was reciprocal until Parker didn't want to bring Captain America's shield to one of his idols, Captain America, in case 'Mr Stark was there and they were acting really weird'.”

Parker. That was his name.

”Tony's crush on me?”

”I heard him recite sonnets to your body when you were sleeping.”

”He's like that sometimes,” Steve tried.

”He also didn't like it when I told him you fucked me so good I lost my mind.”

”Jesus Christ, Bucky!”

”Yeah, that's what you said.”

 

It was the first time Tony visited the kitchen since building the damn place. His sudden craving of tap water was somewhat motivated by the fact that Steve was in the kitchen. Alone.

Tony was a genius, so he was a very self-aware guy. He knew well all the things he wanted to do when he looked at Steve – he had wanted to do them for years. The only thing was that he had never thought there would be the slightest of chances to even _try_ to do them. He hadn't thought that until he had glimpsed a tantalizing strip of naked back and ass.

Lewd joking could have been the side-effect of a more relaxed and happy Cap, now that he had his Bucky (Tony knew it wasn't his place to feel jealousy, but he couldn't quite fight it). When Steve bent down and exposed himself to Tony neither was laughing.

Going to meet Steve wasn't because he was planning to cheat on Pepper. If that was the case, he would have ambushed Steve somewhere private. Instead, he wanted to live a few more moments with just the possibility of having Steve close to him in a way he had always categorized as full on day dreaming.

Maybe that was in itself already cheating, at least according to the Bible, but Tony wasn't a very religious man, nor Pepper a religious woman. They had an understanding about flirting with others, though Tony had an inkling that what was going on with Steve might not have fallen under flirting. He ignored it.

Walking in Tony saw Steve actually using the kitchen to make food – he was stirring something at the stove, there were chopped vegetables on the side, waiting to be mixed into the whatever-it-was Steve was making.

It smelled good.

 

”Didn't know you cooked.”

Steve shrugged. ”I don't sleep that much.” He didn't turn.

Tony came to stand close to Steve, not exactly just behind him, but too close to be completely casual.

”So, you must be good at a lot of other things, too.”

Steve turned to him, raised his eyebrow. ”Well. I can hold my own in a fight.”

Tony hmmed. ”Athletic, you mean.”

”I do actually have several unofficial world records.”

”Let me guess. Rhythmic gymnastics?”

Steve rolled his eyes. ”Not exactly. Some gymnastics, sure. The longest handstand, for example.”

”How about bars? Vault? I bet you'd be phenomenal on the floor.”

Steve was far too gone since he found the line hot.

”Maybe you should come and watch some time,” he got out, barely recognizing his own voice.

Tony straightened an imaginary wrinkle from Steve's shirt. Steve filled his shirts far too well to leave room for wrinkles. ”I'm sure I would come. Although perhaps after watching.”

Steve gulped. Why was it so easy to be like this? He hadn't even thought to start anything, this time. Would it be like this, always? In the middle of a mission: 'Watch your back', 'I'd rather watch your back'? Would team debriefings with them become unbearable for others?

It cleared on Steve that this really couldn't go on. The first too heated glance between them while Natasha was present and she wouldn't leave him alone. Bucky already was onto him. He didn't care for himself, but it would be really rotten for Pepper if people talked about them behind her back.

And continuing would make it a lot more difficult to stop.

Tony seemed to find another wrinkle to straighten, except now it was clearly a caress, his thumb tracking the underline of his left pectoral.

Steve counted one, two, three times until he forced himself to react.

”This needs to stop.”

Tony's face closed off. ”What needs to stop?”

”You know what,” Steve answered, stricter than he meant, but what did Tony play at?

”Why don't you tell me,” Tony demanded, not nicely. All of a sudden they were earlier incarnations of themselves, ready to bite each others' head off for the smallest of provocation. Steve was fairly certain they'd had a similar conversation before, in a kitchen, just like this. Well, Tony's hand hadn't been cupping his breast, but to be fair, they were touching each more often than not during their spats. One memorable time Tony had accidentally tickled his side when he had tried to grab Steve's arm. Steve had given an involuntary giggle and Tony had lost the plot for a few seconds, at least, forgetting he was angry.

Steve decided to spell it out. ”We should quit dancing around each other like this,” to make his point he gently removed Tony's hand from his chest.

”Too much for you?” Tony asked, a challenge in his voice.

Steve sighed. ”It's too much if it's not going anywhere.”

Tony grew silent, staring at him. Steve, feeling self-conscious and bared, turned to mix the vegetable into his sauce.

At last: ”Are you implying that in different settings you would see it go somewhere?”

Steve put the spatula down and said slowly: ”Tony. I've been interested in you for years.”

”What?”

Steve shrugged. ”I never said anything because you were committed already. I tried to forget about it... Then you told me you had broken up. I decided to wait until you got over it. Then all went to hell and _then_ the first time we saw each other after all that you flirted with me. I liked it. A bit too much, because it's so hard to stop. But that's what we will do because otherwise, it's not going to end well. Not for anybody.”

Tony looked parts shocked parts unhappy. It took a moment or two until he said anything. ”Are you saying that all that frustration with the damn Accords – instead of fucking it up we could have fucked it out?”

Steve felt his cheeks heat. ”I don't know if it would have helped.” Then: ”I suppose we could have tried.”

Tony took steps back, at last. ”Jesus.”

A minute passed. ”Did you want to eat?”

”Might as well.”

 

The next time Steve saw Tony was at Sam's place. Sam needed some time off to go back to Washington to be with his family while his parents were in the middle of a divorce. They needed to discuss the details, all three of them, since Steve and Tony now lead the Avengers together. Tony had put a lot of work to the new team while Steve had continued with Sam and the others underground. It was natural to share the responsibility.

They had barely sat down on Sam's couch when Sam had to go take a phone call. Steve and Tony were left alone except for Sam's music. Ella Fitzgerald, Steve recognized, even though he didn't know the song. Steve hadn't ever seen her live back in the thirties, but he remembered some of her songs. It was nice just sitting quietly together with Tony. Not saying anything also meant less of a chance of saying something stupid.

Then the song changed. Sam wasn't back yet.

_I've been really tryin', baby_ Marvin Gaye sang like he really had been trying and Tony quite visibly froze.

Steve had gone once or twice to Sam's Marvin Gaye fan club -session so he, too, recognized the song. He, too, died a bit inside.

_Tryin' to hold back these feelings for so long_  
_And if you feel like I feel, baby_  
_Then come on, oh come on_

Steve did his very best to pretend there was nothing wrong, but when Marvin Gaye repeatedly told them to _get it on_ , he focused on just not looking at Tony. His army trained poker face was challenged to its limits – it had been far easier to keep it together when Jacques had crawled out of his tent completely wasted a mere second after Steve had vowed in front of an inspecting officer they had not one drop of alcohol with them.

The surround sound audio system, combined with the fact that they were both silent, meant that the song felt like a background music to a movie scene – Steve could imagine too well what happened next in this particular film.

_Givin' yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true_ Gaye sang seductively and _if the spirit moves you, let me groove you good_ and Steve would have been sure this was a practical joke if he didn't know how much decorum Sam had.

Steve felt like he could only breathe when the song ended. The next song Steve didn't recognize, but Tony painfully obviously did since he groaned out loud.

”What the hell is wrong with Wilson? _Sexual healing_? This isn't the sort of stuff you play to your friends! Unless you are friends with benefits!”

Steve, unfamiliar with the phrase, asked: ”'Friends with benefits'?”

Tony looked at him despairingly.

”It's like if you two were... lending each other a hand every once in a while,” Sam explained, re-entering the room. ”You know, if you weren't in a romantic relationship but decided to get some relief together. And to be clear, I mean if you, just as friends, were having sex.”

”Thank you, Birdman,” Tony said testily.

Sam looked at them both and frowned. ”What? Don't tell me you get uncomfortable being called friends. I thought we were over this already. I got over you throwing me in prison, I'm sure you've gotten over Steve beating you up, after you, you know, tried to end his boyfriend,” he addressed the last part to Tony before turning to Steve. ”And I know you care for this guy.”

”Of course I do,” Steve said, because of course, he did, and also because he didn't want to address the benefits thing.

”Good,” Sam nodded then he seemed to forget about it. ”Listen, I need to leave today, I hope you can get Bucky or someone to fill in.”

”Fill in?” Tony asked.

”We were heading to the gym later.”

”Can't you do that alone?”

”It's more fun together – well, it's actually torture with this guy, but you can always challenge him to show off his skills.”

Tony nodded. ”World records, I know.”

Sam rubbed his hands together. ”Hey, here's an idea, why don't you go with him,” he addressed Tony.

”Sam, I'm sure Tony has other things to do – ”

”I'm completely free tonight.”

Sam was giving Steve such a pointed glare that he couldn't say no. ”Five thirty. Lower level gym.”

 

”Oh my God, Rogers, could your shirt _be_ any tighter?”

Steve looked down at himself. ”It's hard to find shirts that would fit both my waist and shoulders.”

”I wasn't complaining.”

Steve ignored that. ”Let's warm up,” he said. Before Tony could ask how exactly, Steve took off.

Tony waited for a moment before joining Steve running laps around the practice mats. Sam was right. It was fun to witness an enhanced person using their enhanced skills, especially when there wasn't a mortal danger making it hard to concentrate.

He started running a moderate speed, trying not to give much attention to Steve lapping him all the time. Tony wondered if it wasn't a good thing they would never have sex. He was perfectly fit after the Extremis operation but keeping up with a thirty-year-old supersoldier... He'd dodged a bullet there, really. He was sure the relief would set in at any moment, now.

He was sure he would stop thinking about it soon.

After finishing their ten minute run Tony was sweating already. Steve who had probably done half a marathon or something, seemed barely out of breath. Steve went on to hit a bag. Tony decided to stretch.

Following Steve closely with his eyes, he saw the guy was pulling his punches.

”I see you are pulling your punches,” Tony remarked.

Steve stopped and turned. Looked a bit sheepish. ”I don't want to break anything.”

”I thought part of the fun was to watch you exceed what a mere man can do,” Tony said.

”I don't think Sam meant breaking stuff.”

Tony shrugged. ”Why not? It's not like I don't have the money.”

Steve said nothing.

”What? Is that it? You don't want me to spend my money on you? Isn't it a bit too late for that?”

”It's a different thing if it's for the team. I don't have to punch through stuff to be effective on the field.”

Tony stood up. ”Are you afraid I'm going to use it against you? Like you owe me something? That I'm paying you so you can't disagree with me? Is that what you think of me?”

”No,” Steve answered truthfully. ”I don't think you'd ever try to buy me.”

Tony was having a hard time not to comment on that. Steve went on: “Maybe I just feel bad creating more expenses than necessary for you.”

”Steve, I have a lot more money than one could possibly need, even if they are bankrolling a superhero team. And what's more, I'm a capitalist. It means that I sit on top of a pyramid. I invent stuff, but the money comes out of other people's work. _Nobody_ earns what I make. So I feel like maybe I should use it generously to better other people's lives.”

Steve nodded slowly. ”That's a good position to take, but I'm not sure I see how me punching this bag into your wall is making people's lives better.”

Tony smiled slyly. ”If I film and put it up on YouTube, I can guarantee it will make a lot of people's day.”

He already had a song he would use. One of his better ideas had been the purchase of several AC/DC song rights. 

They didn't get a lot of working out done, but Tony got half an hour's worth of footage from several angles of Steve beating up a punching bag (in reality about five different bags), landing aerial kicks into it and finally hitting it hard enough to send it flying through the air and slamming into a wall.

The edited version started from a great montage of close ups of Steve in motion, cutting into his legs and thighs when Brian Johnson sang about her _telling no lies and knockin' me out with those American thighs_.

Otherwise Tony kept the video from becoming clearly sexualized. It would have been slightly crass, and not really fitting for the wholesome picture they wanted to paint about the Avengers at the moment. _You shook me all night long_ as a song choice was blatant enough in its lyrics that most people would think it was completely tongue in cheek, the small minded bigots and idiots would think it was a manly rock song for a manly man. Nobody would know it was a memento of a time when Tony Stark might have ended up in bed with Steve Rogers, of a time when, almost

_The walls start shaking_  
_The earth was quaking_  
_My mind was aching_  
_And we were making it and you_  
_Shook me all night long_  
_Yeah you shook me all night long_

 

”Would you like to talk about it?”

Tony winced. ”Talk about what?” He wasn't quite sure if Pepper was amused or angry which never bode well.

”The absolutely viral love letter of a video you made about Steve.”

”FRIDAY helped. A lot. I didn't really have time to match every cut to the music. Also,” Tony realized to add, ”I wouldn't call it a love letter.”

Pepper gave him a very patient stare. ”Then what would you call it?”

Tony put down his tools. This was going to take a while. ”A start of a series? In part two Thor will electrocute the poor mangled punching bag to the beats of Thunderstruck.”

”That's it? You don't harbor any feelings for Steve?”

Tony didn't know what to say, mostly because he didn't know what the truth of the matter was. ”You got this all from that one video? I didn't accidentally draw hearts all over Cap's fists of fury, did I?”

”Tony, you've always been very into him, very about him – ”

”What do you mean by that?” Tony interrupted. While he didn't as a rule like when people talked over Pepper, he also disliked being told what he was like, what he was _about_.

Pepper seemed to realize that since she said more placatingly: ”Just how much you minded that he wasn't in your corner during the Accords business. How much you talk about him, complain about him... I swear on Monday you think he's too blond, on Tuesday he's not blond enough.”

”To be fair, I didn't expect his beard would grow so dark, I was confused – okay, point taken. Listen, I know I have a difficult relationship with him. But I'm not waiting for him to – to notice me, or whatever.”

_Aren't you?_ Pepper's eyes seemed to ask

”I don't know what to say. You want me to vow my everlasting love or --” 

”Tony, I know you love me, even _need_ me. I don't doubt that.”

”Then what?”

Pepper sighed. Her mouth was turned down. ”Every time it's gone bad with us I've felt like your other life has consumed you. The hundred Iron Man armors, the team, trying to protect the whole world, almost giving your life over and over again.”

”I only go to the most important missions anymore – ”

”I mean Steve. He's consuming you. He's eating you up.”

”I'm sure I'd have noticed if Steve was eating me,” Tony remarked dryly.

”It's not just plain friendship between you. You want to win him to your side, to like you, to respect you. I think you want a part of him, as big as possible, and in return, you want to give him a part of yourself.”

”Really, I'm blushing.”

”No. You're obsessing.”

Pepper wasn't really wrong, of course. Tony should have been able to forget about the fact that in a different timeline he would soon retire to his rooms where Steve would be waiting. Also, retrospectively, he did realize the video had been a bit over the top, especially since it was he alone who had made it, not a cheeky, young PR team. Even they probably wouldn't have made it three minutes long, branding it with their own favorite music.

Tony knew he had to stop, but he didn't exactly know how. He usually got over his obsessions only after they exploded in his face.

That _really_ wasn't an option this time.

Pepper had been correct proclaiming he had always been like this about Steve. Before Steve had suddenly flirted with him, he had just compartmentalized the more sexual aspect of it.

There was nothing else than to just try to suppress it, ignore it. It would go away in time. If it didn't, well, then he would just live with it. Being painfully in love with your – whatever Steve was – wasn't the worst thing in the world. Not by a long shot. Not when he had the real love of his life next to him.

They had already decided to stop with the pre-dirty-talk. After Pepper left he would scrap the dozen or so suit designs in red, white, blue and see-through. He would conquer this.

 

”You ready to talk now?” Bucky turned in the office chair to greet Steve at the same time revealed the computer with a YouTube page opened up. Steve could guess what Bucky had been watching.

”It's a joke,” Steve tried.

”Yeah, pal, I know. It was more like an hour and a half, not 'all night long'.”

Steve groaned and flopped down on the couch.

”Listen,” Bucky started after a while. ”Maybe you should just give it a go. Relieve some pent up stress, show him some nice time. Heck, for once _have_ some nice time.”

Steve glared at him.

”What?”

”You know what. He's engaged.”

Bucky shrugged. ”So what? We both know there are a lot worse things than a little unfaithfulness. Hell, it didn't really stop me even before the war.”

A silence. ”Stop with that face,” Bucky demanded. ”You know it's true. I know you have this idea of me as a perfect gentleman, but I would do my best to show a girl a good time were they taken or not.”

”Well, it's not the same to do it to someone you know.”

Bucky chuckled. ”Alright, sure, maybe it's not. Doesn't mean you don't think I'm better than I am.”

”You're better than _you_ think you are.”

Bucky looked away. ”You know when you get these notions, and you believe you are right, but maybe, maybe sometimes you're wrong.”

Steve knew they weren't talking about Bucky taking out taken girls once upon a time. ”I doubt myself all the time. But not in this. I don't doubt you.”

”You're an idiot,” Bucky said, couldn't quite fight the smile.

”I'm not the one giving out horrible advice. And anyway, you seem to think Tony would be on board while he's the one who has got everything to lose.”

Bucky didn't say it again, but he looked at Steve like Steve was an idiot. ”I'm sure he's got the best intentions. I'm also sure he's got a horrible impulse control. You could have him if you took your shirt off and bicep curled a helicopter again, I can guarantee that. Even I swooned.”

”You crashed the helicopter and lost your consciousness.”

Bucky swiveled in his chair back to the computer. He pressed play. ”I swooned.”

Steve snorted. “You're more horrible than your advice. I'm not going to do anything about Tony, except act around him like with any other friend.”

“I know. And I'm great, you just said so.”

“I know. You are amazing.”

“Shut up,” Bucky said and turned up the volume.

 

“Steve,” Tony said, half in greeting, half in surprise. This time he hadn't known Steve was in the kitchen. This time he had made an effort not to think about Steve.

“Tony,” Steve said, smiled carefully.

Tony went to the espresso machine past Steve. “Smells nice.” 

“It's just pasta and tomato sauce. Do you want some?”

Tony cleared his throat. “I'm good. I just came to get coffee.” Then: “The beans are in the cupboard over you. In a black box. Give it to me?”

Steve looked over, reached up to a cupboard door. “Here?”

“Right there.”

Tony saw Steve falter for a second, probably thinking back to what they'd said. Tony himself was a bit concerned: he was actually trying to be as neutral and appropriate as he could.

He took the box of coffee beans Steve offered him. He made sure their fingers didn't touch. “Oh. I repaired your suit. It should hold up to aliens a bit better now.”

“You mean a lot better?”

“It should keep you out of hospital gowns.”

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, I think I'd rather wake up naked next time than in one of those.”

“Yeah,” Tony said and went on to ground the beans. Maybe he shouldn't say anything anymore. He put the ground coffee into the portafilter, tamped it down. He sensed Steve was going to open his mouth again and quickly switched on the machine.

Steve didn't take the hint. When the coffee was ready he continued what he had started to say: “I didn't mean anything with that. I didn't mean to talk about my naked body.”

“It's great. Just fine,” Tony hurriedly said. Then: “I meant the thing, not your body, it's – ah, hell – “ he downed the espresso in one go to shut himself up. It felt like it burned his _teeth_. He coughed, his eyes watered. “Fuck, it's hot.”

Steve took quick action, filling a glass of water and bringing it to Tony. “Jesus, Tony.”

Tony drank the glass empty. It still burned.

Steve took the glass and filled it again. “You want me to take a look?”

“In my mouth?” Tony asked and drank only about half the glass.

Steve shrugged. “It could be severe.”

Tony shook his head. “It's fine, I don't think it's that bad.”

Steve wasn't completely satisfied with that since he went to rummage in the freezer. He came up with a popsicle. He offered it to Tony.

“You should suck – put it in your mouth,” Steve said and cringed.

Tony knew the patriotically colored icy treat was his own joke, and not a new one at that, but it still hurt. When he unwrapped it he was sure he could hear the _oh hell_ that Steve no doubt thought.

“I'm sorry about the video – and about this popsicle,” Tony rushed to say. “It won't happen again. We won't happen, ever. I know that now.”

“It's fine, Tony.”

“It wasn't, but it's fine now. Even though I guess after saying that we will probably fight some intergalactic love god and get kidnapped together and wake up in a – love lair with pheromones – “

“And of course I will be naked – “

“And you will be naked,” Tony swallowed. Jesus. “I should really stop coming to the kitchen.”

Steve averted his eyes. Right. Coming. “Okay. I'll go now. See you around.”

“See you,” Steve answered, gently.

As he rushed to his workshop, Tony realized he hadn't cleaned the espresso machine, but decided to let it be. Steve would probably do it.

 

All in all their conversation had been a complete disaster, but it could have been a lot worse, Tony reflected later. And to be fair, it had been their first time, there was only room for improvement.

Talking. First time talking after Tony had decided to beat his obsession.

All would work out. They just needed patience and willingness to work for it. Tony was ready. To celebrate it he opened up a bottle of whiskey.


End file.
